Raw Thoughts.....

Okay so I know you are all used to me posting about family events with a bunch of cute pictures of my family, however today I am going outside of that box and am venting some of my thoughts about "me". I am not a writer so bear with me as I try to explain my feelings, and I'm sure there are a lot of sentence structure errors as well as misspellings.

Lately I have been feeling quite "Blah". I know why, but have not had the ambition to change, so yesterday I decided I had to. I have "let go" of my self. Yeah, Yeah I know I'm using a lot of these "". Deal with it :) Anyway I have gained quite a bit of weight, and haven't been good about washing my face, brushing my teeth, and haven't been reading "The Word" every day.

 Some of you might think I'm vain or crazy thinking that "I'm" over weight, but I have a small frame and am feeling unhealthy. I don't wish to be stick thin, only what is right for me. I haven't been this weight other than pregnancy. Although I don't feel as though I'm "fat", what I don't want to happen is to become so lazy or content with my current weight that I just keep gaining till I'm to the point where it will be even harder. I know I can say that even though I didn't give birth to my newest daughter, I'm nursing and my body holds on to extra calories for that and I need to eat more because I burn more. However, I know that I can't blame it all on the baby. I have been eating a lot of "junk" and blaming it on being tired, stressed, or that I deserve it. It feels good for the moment, but then I feel "yuck" and then even worse when I get dressed. I'm not going on any "fad" diet, I plan to make a lifestyle change. I'm going to try to cut out the "crap" and not eat just to eat, or because I can eat all to myself because the kids are in bed.

I also get frustrated with my face breaking out. I'm almost 28 for crying out loud! But if I don't take care of my skin I have no where to put my frustration but with my lack of self discipline! So, I'm  going to make it a habit to wash my face and brush my teeth morning and night.

 I would love to be a person who parents through the "gifts of the spirit" and I feel I lack at the pretty well. I don't like dealing with my precious children out of frustration or anger. I want them to learn respect and obedience, but through love, patients, kindness, self control, etc.... For that to come out of me, it needs to be in me, so I plan to get back on my bible reading plan and read every day at quiet/nap time.

 I am a goal oriented person, so I am aiming to do this "strictly" up to Thanksgiving and see how I feel. I expect that I will feel much better, loose my "sugar" addiction, hopefully fit back into my clothes, love my children well and will want to keep up this routine. So there you have it. Me, open and raw. Thanks for listening to the rambles of my thoughts....

And for good measures, here are few fall pictures :)

Pumpkin Patch

One weekend we went to a new pumpkin patch. We were meeting Eryn-Elizabeth's birth parents, so we tried to pick a place close to them. So we found this place called Sibley Orchards. I wasn't sure what to expect, and was slightly disappointed with the place, but they did free hay rides to the "pumpkin patch" which just ended up being a spot in a field that was mowed and a bunch of pumpkins (all the same size) laying around.

We tried to get a picture in front of the pretty flowers, but as you can see, it was too bright facing the sun.

 So we moved over here, and a nice lady offered to take a picture we could all be in.

 While we waited for the birth parents to arrive, the kids looked at the crafts and weird pumpkins/gourds. 

 Here is a picture of Eryn-Elizabeth's birth family.

I tried to get a picture of them with Izzy, but she did not want to cooperate. She was actually quite fussy for most of the trip. I felt bad for them, but they still seemed to enjoy the trip and seeing her.

 Unfortunetly I was so caught up in trying to make the birth family feel comfortable and keep Izzy from crying that I didn't enjoy the pumpkin patch with my kids much. However, I did manage to snap a couple pictures.

 Next weekend we are going to paint the pumpkins and have a family fall day!

And as a disclaimer; some pictures may have been edited :) I LOVE photo shop and erasing pounds!

Last of our trip and some other catch up...

After a decent night sleep, we got up the next morning and headed to the St. Louis Zoo.

 They have a cool butterfly sanctuary you can walk through. The kids were a little unsure of all the butterflies flying around them.

Cool Hippos!

 Zebras

 Monkeys

They had an awesome penguin exhibit!!!

 After the zoo, we headed home and got to enjoy driving into this beautiful sunset!

 Since we've been home, Jacob and Ephraim started playing soccer. Being their first year, they are not really sure what to do, but you gotta start somewhere.

Also, Emma Grace and Jacob had their first day of preschool.

 After preschool I took the kids to our zoo. For the months of October and November it is free to Kansas City residents!!! They love watching the polar bear....

 and playing in these concrete circles.

 They had a lot of fun playing with some other kids on the slide. All going down at the same time.

Here are some recent pictures of Eryn-Elizabeth

Next blog to come....Pumpkin Patch with Eryn-Elizabeth's birth parents.