Lately I have been feeling quite "Blah". I know why, but have not had the ambition to change, so yesterday I decided I had to. I have "let go" of my self. Yeah, Yeah I know I'm using a lot of these "". Deal with it :) Anyway I have gained quite a bit of weight, and haven't been good about washing my face, brushing my teeth, and haven't been reading "The Word" every day.
Some of you might think I'm vain or crazy thinking that "I'm" over weight, but I have a small frame and am feeling unhealthy. I don't wish to be stick thin, only what is right for me. I haven't been this weight other than pregnancy. Although I don't feel as though I'm "fat", what I don't want to happen is to become so lazy or content with my current weight that I just keep gaining till I'm to the point where it will be even harder. I know I can say that even though I didn't give birth to my newest daughter, I'm nursing and my body holds on to extra calories for that and I need to eat more because I burn more. However, I know that I can't blame it all on the baby. I have been eating a lot of "junk" and blaming it on being tired, stressed, or that I deserve it. It feels good for the moment, but then I feel "yuck" and then even worse when I get dressed. I'm not going on any "fad" diet, I plan to make a lifestyle change. I'm going to try to cut out the "crap" and not eat just to eat, or because I can eat all to myself because the kids are in bed.
I also get frustrated with my face breaking out. I'm almost 28 for crying out loud! But if I don't take care of my skin I have no where to put my frustration but with my lack of self discipline! So, I'm going to make it a habit to wash my face and brush my teeth morning and night.
I would love to be a person who parents through the "gifts of the spirit" and I feel I lack at the pretty well. I don't like dealing with my precious children out of frustration or anger. I want them to learn respect and obedience, but through love, patients, kindness, self control, etc.... For that to come out of me, it needs to be in me, so I plan to get back on my bible reading plan and read every day at quiet/nap time.
I am a goal oriented person, so I am aiming to do this "strictly" up to Thanksgiving and see how I feel. I expect that I will feel much better, loose my "sugar" addiction, hopefully fit back into my clothes, love my children well and will want to keep up this routine. So there you have it. Me, open and raw. Thanks for listening to the rambles of my thoughts....
And for good measures, here are few fall pictures :)
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